Jake's 5th Birthday Letter

Dear Jake,
A couple weeks ago you turned 5.  I've been suffering from writers block ever since then--every time I sit down to write you this birthday letter, I get stuck.  Things have changed so much in the last year for you, and it's difficult to put into words an accurate description of the amazing boy that you are becoming.

When I teach you something, or when you tell me something that's been on your mind, it's like I can literally see the wheels turning as you try to make sense of new information.  You started Pre-kindergarten this year, and have learned a ton.  We began the year with no previous education--just a basic knowledge of your ABC's, and you could count to maybe 20.  Now you are sounding out words and starting to read, and are really excelling at math!  I love that you are eager to learn and to make discoveries.  I want to always be a source of encouragement to you, and never stifle your creative energy.  The desire to learn is a wonderful gift that will take you far in your life Jake. :)

The changes I've seen in you over the last year in school have been more than academic.  I'm slowly realizing that you are really turning into your own little self--a person who can have his feelings hurt by others, who can cry genuine tears from embarrassment, shame, or sorrow. It's not so much about tantrums anymore.  You love to play with others, but at the start of the school year you were rarely the one to initiate friendships.  This made for a lonely school day every so often.  When you'd had a hard day you would put on a brave face around your peers, but I could see it in your eyes when I picked you up from school.  You'd always wait until we got in the car, and then you would tell me with a sincere voice all about your day.  I always give you a hug, and encourage you to maybe find another lonely kid to reach out to.  I remind you about what a fun boy you are, and how you are really good at playing on your own too.  I'm getting pretty good at holding in my own tears when we talk.. Because honey, even with your smallest moments of sadness, I get an ache in my heart.  I was just the same when I was your age--tender and sensitive.  I'm just so happy that you feel like you can come to me about anything.  It can be a tough thing to come out of your shell, but we've seen a ton of progress throughout the year.  The bummer days are becoming almost nonexistent, and you are revealing more of your bubbly personality in front of your class.  Also, your charms seem to have won over your teachers too, who really love you.  Nearly every time I pick you up, Miss Heidi or Miss Diana will rush over to tell me about something sweet that you said or did that day, or how you helped another kid in class.  You really are a special boy.  I'm both happy and sad for you to be growing up.  With preschool graduation just a couple weeks away, I'm becoming very aware of your age.  Kindergarten next year!!! I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not throwing you to the wolves--you love to learn, are excited to make new friends, and seem really ready to embrace this new chapter in your life.  You often tell me how happy you are to be 5 now, and to be growing up.

Lets talk about your relationships with your family for a minute.
You and daddy--
Around the time that you started preschool, Daddy started his MBA program.  This meant that he wasn't able to be around as much as he wanted.  But you guys have made the most of it when he's home.  He always takes time between work and school to play cars with you, or maybe download a fun new App on the iPad.  You sometimes go on little trips to Dunkin Donuts together.  You two are the donut lovers in the family ;) You always make sure to get out of bed before daddy leaves for work, so that you can give him a hug and kiss before he leaves, and love to locate him on my GPS tracker app in the afternoons, to see if he is driving home yet.  You really look up to him, and it fills me with joy to see the father/son relationship that you two are developing.
The other day, you were playing by yourself, and daddy was gone at the gym.  I was walking by and you looked up at me and simply said "When you met dad, you chose the right one to be my dad."  Then you stood up and pointed at your dad on our family picture on the wall. "See that one right there?  That's who I always wanted."  You took me off guard with that little declaration, and I felt such a sweet spirit with us in that moment--what a sweet boy your are! Sometimes daddy feels bad that he can't be home with you kids more often.  But clearly, he's been home enough.  You love your daddy, and that pure expression of your love made me feel like we might be doing a few things right ;)

You and Mia--
You have soooo much patience when it comes to your baby sister.  More patience than me!  Although you guys fight sometimes when it comes to toys, you are always looking to help her.  You find lotion when she is scratching at her eczema, will remind her to go potty, teach her how to play games on the iPad, (and will pass levels for her when she gets stuck), try to distract her when she throws a tantrum--the list goes on.  She is a big part of your daily life, and I'm so happy that you guys love each other.  I really appreciate how much you look out for her, but sometimes have to remind you that you don't have to be her dad, just her brother and friend ;) Jake, you were sooooo supposed to be the oldest kid in this family.  My "old soul".

You and baby boy--
Every day when I drop you off at school, and every night before you go to bed, you kiss and hug my belly.  You hug my belly with only your fingertips, so that baby boy will know the hug is for him, and not for mommy.  You got to feel him moving a few weeks ago for the first time, and the look on your face was unforgettable.  Surprise/amazement/pure joy/love.  You ask me all the time if the baby is awake or asleep, and if I feel him moving around, I tell you he is awake.  It's been so fun having little 4-5 year old you around during this pregnancy.  You tell me all the time that you "love your brother so much already, even when he's still in mommy's tummy".  I can't wait for him to get here, and for you to finally have your little brother :)

You and Me--
Oh Jakey, I love you so much.  I don't know how it started, but you've been going through a phase where you tell me "I love you a hundred, how much do you love me?"  and if I respond with anything higher than 100, you immediately change your answer to trump mine.  You have to be the love winner :)  You've got Mia doing it too, and it's funny hearing you guys come up with all kinds of random numbers to count up all our loves.
You are great at giving compliments!  You often tell me that I'm pretty, that my hair looks nice, that my shirt is cute.  What more can a girl want to hear?? ;) You tell Mia that she is cute too, all the time!  Keep doing that kiddo, the best men are the ones who know how to express their love and feelings, and can give compliments freely. (I would know, because you take after your daddy that way!)
All day long, you tell me what you are thinking.  Conclusions you've drawn, dreams you had last night,  something you learned at school, questions about all kinds of strange things.  Sometimes you ask me really deep questions, and I have to delve into my own spiritual convictions about life and God.  Finding ways to explain our beliefs to you in a way that a 5 year old can understand has been wonderful for me.  It breaks down the principles and reminds me what our lives here are really about.  Its about family, love, and keeping a close relationship with our Heavenly Father.  Sometimes I feel like I'm falling short on teaching you life lessons, but then you'll say something profound.  I remember that you have your own special light inside, and you really show a desire to make good choices.  I don't know what will come in your life, but so far you seem to have some pretty amazing qualities to help you along the way.

5 years old.  Jeez where did the time go!?  Fully acknowledging the milestone is making me cry.  I love you Jake.

Love, Mom