Resurfacing

I'm still here.

Caleb turned 10 weeks old yesterday.  Last time I sat down to write, he was just a week old.  The past couple months have been very full.  At times its been an emotional roller coaster,  but when I look at the sum of all parts, I can't help but feel blessed.

For starters--I'm incredibly grateful that my parents moved to Arizona at this time in my life.  Not to say I couldn't have managed on my own if I had to.  But the fact that I didn't have to made a huge difference.  I'm lucky to have kids that are overall healthy and thriving, so I'm not really complaining.  But seriously, it's been a little crazy over here.

Highlights from the past 2 months!

1.  When Caleb was 2 weeks old, Jake started Kindergarten.  In the days leading up to his first day, I cried--a lot.  It's an emotional time for any mom, watching her first babe reach this milestone.. and then you stack that with postpartum hormones.

Thankfully, we are adjusting well to this new change.  Jake has made some good friends, and is usually happy to go.  Full day kindergarten is a big and exhausting time commitment for him, but he is handling it like a champ.  I do miss him, but I think that it's mostly a good thing--It gives me a break from taking care of all 3 kids constantly, and I'm probably a better mom to all of them this way.

2.  Wesley's parents came to visit for about 10 days right after Jake started school.  This was really wonderful.  Between meals, bottle feeds, bathing and changing Caleb, entertaining the big kids, and more...Having them in the house with me was very helpful to my recovery.  THANK YOU so much for coming you guys.  We really did have a great time :)  I know what a sacrifice it is for anyone to vacation in Arizona in the month of August.. so the fact that you guys came during this time in our lives, while it was 110 outside was really amazing.

3.  We had Caleb's baby blessing.  For just a 1 day overlap, my sister Jessica was in town at the same time as Wesley's parents.  That day happened to be a Saturday, so we blessed him in our living room.  Just a few friends came, and it was a peaceful, wonderful experience.

4.  The day that Wesley's parents left, Caleb got a belly button infection.  (Eventually, they figured out that he had a granuloma deep inside his button, causing moisture to pool and bacteria to colonize.)  For a couple days, we kept an eye on it under doctors orders, but when we realized that it was only getting worse, we were sent to the ER at Phoenix Childrens hospital.  When babies are little, the belly button is still connected to a major artery from the old umbilical chord.. so basically, any kind of infection right there, left untreated, could potentially enter the blood stream and go anywhere in the body.  So they take it really seriously.  He had to spend 2 days in the NICU while they ran blood, urine, and spinal fluid labs, to make sure it hadn't spread and caused anything more serious.  Meanwhile, he was on an intense load of antibiotics.  We were extremely lucky--after less than 48 hours we were able to go home and continue treatment with oral meds.  His recovery took a couple weeks, but I'm so happy we were able to care for him at home.

At the time, my entire family had just rolled into town.  Jessica's family was getting ready to move to Germany for the next 3 years, so this was our last hurrah.  I felt bad that I had to miss pretty much the entire reunion, but I was so grateful that my mom and the rest of the family could be there for Jake and Mia so that Wes didn't have to miss much work, and I could stay with Caleb.

It was an emotional time.  Scary and sad, seeing Caleb poked and prodded like that (he had 2 veins blown and his IV failed 3 times, and he endured a spinal tap).  Definitely a low point, but somehow I still felt a sense of peace, and a general feeling that he would be ok.

5.  Shortly after I got home with Caleb, things got even crazier.  Wesley started his second (and so far, more challenging) year at grad school, Mia got sick with all kinds of random weird ailments, including a 104 fever for 2 days. ahhh!  For a little while there, I thought her immune system was broken.  Speaking of immune systems, I've noticed an amazing tender mercy in my life.  Even with a newborn, constant sick kids,  and major sleep deprivation--I've managed to stay healthy.  Not even a sniffle.  Even if I get sick tomorrow, I'll be forever grateful that I've been able to care for all my babes at full capacity thus far.

6.  Caleb is the first baby I've had where nursing has been a struggle.  That first week, I was exclusively breast-feeding.  Caleb was still a sleepy newborn, and I didn't realize that he wasn't eating enough until his one week check up.  He kept losing weight, and my milk was starting to dry up.  I switched to pumping for him, and suddenly he was packing on a pound a week! With the belly button infection, and taking care of 3 little ones, I just went with the flow, and was soon pumping bottles about 95% of the time.  His latch seemed fine, but he would stop nursing and cry about 2 minutes into a feed.  He was a much happier baby when I just gave him his bottles, but it really was frustrating that I wasn't able to nurse.  When he was 6 weeks old, I asked my doctor to check his mouth and rule out tongue tie.  My instincts turned out to be right, and I was referred to an amazing specialist.  Caleb has 3 different problems in his mouth, that make it very difficult for him to suck.  (Also, tongue tie can lead to speech impediments later in life.)

So far, he's had one small surgery, the most necessary, right under his tongue.  It was done a little over a week ago, and I can't believe how much he's improved already!!  I'm able to nurse full feeds, and I'm down to maybe 2 bottles a day.  In a week we find out if he still needs another surgery, for his top lip.

Breast feeding Jake and Mia was so easy.  I loved it, and it came naturally both to me and to my babes. This past couple months has made me appreciate those experiences.  I was seriously lucky.  And I'm really thankful that my Caleb is in the hands of smart and capable doctors.  I now have true empathy for those friends of mine who have breast feeding troubles. Sorry girls, it sucks.

Whew!! I think thats pretty much everything.  Reliving the highlights as I write this, I feel overwhelmed.  But thanks to a ton of help and support, especially from family, I haven't been too stressed out. I've actually been pretty happy.  Speaking of support--In my church, the women are all assigned to visit other women in the ward community.  It's called being a "visiting teacher".  Now I'll level with you--I haven't been the most diligent visiting teacher myself.  I really need to work on that.  But the girl who is assigned to me--she is amazing.  After Caleb was born, she told me that she would be organizing meals to be brought to my home while I recovered from the birth.  She came the very next night with dinner, and then planned for 6 more meals from other wonderful women, on days when my mom wasn't with me.  Isn't that just incredible??? and then, when Caleb was in the NICU, she called as soon as she read about it on Facebook, to see what she could do.  She wasn't the only one-- I was so touched by the outpouring of love and support that we received from friends and family on those sad days. Countless texts, phone calls, and facebook messages.  Reading all those things while I was with Caleb did something special to boost my spirits.  So thanks to everyone for that.

Most importantly, I know my Heavenly Father has been with me every step of the way.  I don't think I could've kept it together through some of the harder moments without the strength I received from Him.

It feels amazing to be sitting here and writing again.  Sometimes I wonder why I even keep up this blog.  My life is only getting busier, and lately my mantra has been to "keep it simple".  But I think I'll try to find time for this thing anyway.  Writing is wonderfully therapeutic for me.

I've learned a couple things about myself.  I'm not scared of healthy newborn babies anymore.  Colic, circumcision recovery, tongue tie, underweight babies, severe eczema, sleep problems, cradle cap, belly button infections--between my three babes,  I've covered some territory.
I think the hardest adjustment for me this time around has been the juggling.  and the mom guilt.  How do I find time for everyone?  Can I become a more clean, organized, patient and peaceful individual?
I'm moving into a new chapter of my life: mom of 3--Yikes.

My life is becoming more complicated.  Messy, loud, and wonderful. And I wouldn't trade it for anything.  I'm so lucky to be raising these 3 awesome kids together with my very best friend.

p.s. I have a bazillion more pictures to share.  Oh, and Caleb is huge now.  I'll try to update again soon ;)